I met my Lovely Rock God Husband seven years ago today. I can now pinpoint that day as when my life changed completely. I had spent my adult life up until the previous year bouncing around aimlessly, lurching from disaster to chaos, making bad decisions and terrible choices. I wasn’t a complete write-off, thankfully, as I had finally pulled myself out with my two gorgeous toddlers and my sanity almost intact. But it was a close run thing.
I always say that the first year of my real life was that year alone with my babies. I felt in control, without anyone else’s toxic input. For the first time in my adult life I was neither co-dependent nor cowed. I was able to put my own needs, and those of my babies, above anyone else’s. I had a job, and a flat, and we had enough money to not only have a good life but to service the debt my bad choices had left me with. I was at college in the evenings, I had my family nearby and I was finally in a good place. I honestly didn’t think life could get any better.
And then I met Rob, and it did.
You know that feeling when you wake up disoriented from a bad dream that you thought was real, and then you realise that not only was it a dream but that it’s Sunday and you don’t have to get up yet? That floaty relief like being enveloped in a warm hug? That’s the feeling I wake up with every single morning since I met him.
In seven years we have never had an argument. Now, I’m not telling you this in an, ‘Oh we simply agree on everything, aren’t we wonderful’ way. We don’t always agree, but we are on the same side. We both had past relationships built on drama and shouting and conflict and it was a revelation to meet each other and discover that trust and kindness and support leads to MORE passion, not less. We deal with our disagreements by discussing our issues and coming up with resolutions that suit us both. I don’t want to shout him into submission or throw a tantrum until he gives in, because what would be the point of that? We are reading from the same book most of the time anyway, so disagreements are rare, but we’ve never raised our voices or stormed out or slammed doors because, well, why would we?
We were a family from very early on, he has been Daddy to the Chums since about a year after we met. We bought a house, got married, had a baby, went to court to make our family safe and strong, built up our savings, paid off our debts, and are about to move into our ‘forever home’.
Along the way we’ve weathered redundancy, severe drops in income, bereavements, career changes, illnesses, behavioural issues, an assault, spiraling debt and the unmitigated stress of selling and buying houses. Just in case anyone thinks we’ve had a nice easy ride of it. We’ve had our moments of depression and despair, but the low points are far outweighed by the sheer joy of our everyday life.
I wake up every morning feeling like I can take on the world, and that’s in no small part down to the support and love I have from Rob. He believes I’m amazing, and tells me every day that I am. He supports my dreams and gives me the space and the tools I need to follow them. When I was made redundant and lost my rented flat within days of each other, he insisted we move in with him and supported us all while I was a stay at home parent for nearly a year. When his flat proved too small, he sold it and we bought a house. When I decided I was starting my own Childminding business he didn’t flinch, and he never complained about coming home to a house full of other people’s children and toys. When I announced I’d had enough of Childminding and started working out of the house, he changed his hours to be at home for school pick up, learned to cook properly, took over with the bulk of the laundry and housework and takes time off work when the kids are ill.
I often think I have the better deal, here, but Rob is insistent that he does. He is my favourite person in the world, and I’d rather spend time with him than anybody. He is the cleverest and most talented person I know. Nobody else can make me laugh the way he does, and I still get that delicious tummy-flip sensation when I see him. We hold hands walking along the street because touching him makes me feel grounded and safe and happy. After seven years we still do small things to make each other happy. I come home at lunchtime to hang the washing out so he doesn’t have to do it when he gets home. He brings me coffee in bed and wakes me gently in the mornings before he leaves for work. I cook his favourite meals and he cooks mine. He gets up at the weekends so I can lounge in bed. I let him watch the football sometimes.
And although we strive to make each other equally happy, nothing ever feels like a compromise. I am mindful every day of how lucky we are to have each other, we don’t take each other for granted and we put time and energy into making our marriage and our family a happy one. And I think we do a pretty good job.
So, there’s no seven year itch here. Just a post to pause and reflect back on the last seven years and remind myself of how fortunate I am. I am generally winning at the game of life, and Rob is my coach, my cheerleader and my winner’s trophy.
Big huge love to everybody reading xxx