I’m not entirely sure how this has happened. Somehow, in the last few months my life has gone from mellow take-it-as-it-comes to frenetic micro organising and go-getting. I am enjoying the ride but bloody hell I’m exhausted.
I am spread incredibly thin (thinly?) at the moment. Between work, family, selling the house and seeing friends, something has to give. I suppose it’s inevitable that some things take more of my attention at times, but it does make me sad that seeing my loved ones is the thing that slips down the priority list.
My sister had her beautiful baby over a week ago. I’ve seen her twice, both times briefly. My friends are lamenting my absence. I haven’t had a proper conversation with my mother for weeks. I seem to be living my life in snippets. I haven’t even posted properly on Mumsnet for ages (can you imagine? The horror).
My weekdays pass in a blur of work, kids, work, housework, and sleep. And then it’s the weekend. Last weekend was a social whirl with two organised meals out, both great fun but ‘extra’ to my usual circle of friends and family. So my loved ones have been sidelined again. And I feel so terribly guilty.
This weekend is no better. We have two lots of viewings, three per day, so the mornings will be spent cleaning and tidying. Then we have haircuts, opticians, passport photos and washing (MOUNTAINS of washing) to deal with. At some point I’d like to see my parents and siblings, and it would be great to see my friends. I need a Tardis, really, to find all the time I need.
I just can’t seem to fit everything in, and make everyone happy. I’m barely managing to hold it together with remembering where the Chums have to be at any given point in the day, The Boy has two early morning clubs and one after school, The Pie has weekly and fortnightly activities to go to, the Little Chum has been to different childcare or at home with Rob on different days for weeks now, with one thing and another, and my pore ol brain can’t cope with it all.
I know Rob’s at full tilt too, he leaves the house at stupid o’clock in the morning in order to be home in time for school pick up. Then he organises homework, music practice, dinner and child wrangling. We have something to do on every single week night: Cubs, Scouts, Wing Chung, guitar lessons…on those nights we flop down on the sofa together at 9.30pm and then one or other of us (often both) will start snoring and that’s the end of the evening. The Sky+ box is full of our shattered dreams in the shape of unwatched episodes of, well, everything.
Tonight should be a valued rest. Rob is gigging and I’m at home with a bottle of wine and a film, and OH MY GOD I am bored out of my skull. I’ve been at full pelt for so long that having downtime feels alien. How the hell did that happen? I used to be SO GOOD at doing nothing, in fact it was my greatest passion. I’ve morphed into a Busy Person and it doesn’t feel like me. So I’m spending time with my blog, which is something else I’ve been neglecting.
This was meant to be a bit more lighthearted than this but there we go. I am tired and grumpy and pulled in all directions. I need to rediscover my slothful mojo. And catch up with my real life. Maybe next weekend…